Fireside Chats
My dog Hudson and I are now in Phoenix, AZ, for our annual winter getaway, and on our first evening in town, I found myself sitting around a backyard campfire with some friends. At one point, the conversation turned to friendships and community in midlife. My friend was saying that it seems as we get “older” (i.e., in our forties), people become more isolated, inclined to stay at home with their partner or pet instead of reaching out and making plans.
“Yes,” I said, for I couldn’t deny that I’d felt exactly what he was describing. “But also, ” I continued, “someone has to initiate getting together. So it might as well be us, right?”
“Why does it always have to be me?”
Did you know it’s a proven fact that if you and your friends all stay home and don’t contact one another about getting together, you will never, ever see each other? It’s true! Well, ok, save for the possible run-in at the grocery store (that is, if you don’t all get your groceries delivered, which is a big maybe).
The truth is, most of us feel like we’re “always the one” who has to initiate getting together. That’s just the way it is.
Below are a few tips to help you embrace being that take-the-lead-type-person and initiate more often. Get ready for a more connected, warm, and fuzzy existence.
1. Remember: people love getting together – even if they never initiate!
Why don’t people initiate? Simple: people get wrapped up in their lives. Making a plan outside of the normal routine requires effort, and because of that simple fact, most people don’t do it. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t thankful and happy when others take the lead.
2. Make a standing date with those who matter
A few of my friends and I recently began spending the first Monday of each month at a local place that has a Monday deal on nachos. The great thing about a standing date is that it makes things easy for everyone (day, time, location – the plan is already made!). All you have to do is show up and enjoy.
3. Group texts are your friend
While I know that group texts annoy some, no one can deny they are great for staying connected and making plans on a whim. One benefit of an ongoing group text with friends is that you can shoot a last-minute “Hey, anybody up for happy hour today?” and see who bites. You may find that if you keep a group text active to start, others will start to chime in and initiate making plans once they see how easy it is.
In Closing…
Never forget – humans need other humans! We are tribal creatures at our very core. And while yes, our society is more and more moving in a direction that inevitably isolates us from one another, it doesn’t have to be that way. All it takes is one person to organize a monthly rotating dinner club, an annual theme party, a bi-monthly coffee date, or anything else.
And that person? It can be you.
