Making a Change
About two weeks ago, I deleted my Facebook account. Not deactivated, not paused, not put on hold – deleted. And although a lot of my friends were completely surprised upon hearing this news, the truth is that my disenchantment with Facebook — an app that currently boasts nearly 3 billion users worldwide — had been growing for some time. When I first joined Facebook at the impressionable young age of 19, it had seemed nothing but fun, exciting, and new. It was a place to look up my friends, see what they were up to, and share photos after parties. But somewhere along the road from 19 to 37, Facebook ceased to be that harmless little app it was when I joined, and instead became a complete time-suck that seemed to cause me nothing but anxiety and sadness.
To Each Their Own
Now before I say any more on this topic, I want to make one thing clear: there are many people for whom Facebook works quite well. For some it’s a great way to stay in touch with family, keep engaged with social groups, or simply have a place to post a question and gather advice and resources from their network. If you’re one of these people – that’s wonderful! And who knows, perhaps you’ll find some value in this post, but it wasn’t written for you per se. I wrote this post with another group of people in mind – those for whom Facebook does not work so well.
I’m guessing you might already have an intuitive sense about whether or not you fall into this latter group, but in case you’re not sure, I hope the following three signs will help you to gauge whether this ever-popular app is having a detrimental effect on your overall wellbeing. These are the signs that told me it was, at long last, time to leave.
There IS a path and life available to you that doesn’t include Facebook, and you just might really, really love it.
Sign #1: You spend more time on Facebook than you’re comfortable with, despite your efforts.
One of the very first things I used to do every morning when I turned on my computer was to go to Facebook and check my notifications. If someone tagged me in a post, I’d read what they said and comment back. If someone tagged me in photos from an event the night before, I’d look them over, all the while judging whether I thought I looked good or bad in each photo and feeling bad about it if it was the latter. If someone invited me to an event, I’d go to the event page, read the description, and look over the guest list to try and decide if I wanted to go. All of this presented me with an enormous amount of mental clutter and was, quite frankly, a terrible way to start my day.
The thing is, I knew this, and yet I had an almost impossible time changing my habits.
As I began to notice that Facebook might not be good for me, I deleted the app from my phone (after repeatedly re-installing and re-deleting it several times). I removed the bookmark from my browser bar. At one point I even installed a URL blocker that stopped me from using Facebook at certain hours. But although these attempts helped to a certain extent, their effect was minimal at best.
I told myself that I just didn’t have the willpower to get things under control.
But the reality is, it had nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with the fact that ALL parts of Facebook — from its infinite scroll to its constant notifications of likes and tags — were specifically designed to take up as much of our attention as (un)humanly possible. I’m here to say: it’s not your fault.
Sign #2: It’s hard not to compare yourself to others on Facebook, and you often sign off feeling that your job, relationship status, or life isn’t what it should be.
We all know rationally that people tend to bring to light the best 1% of their lives when they post to Facebook. But this doesn’t change the effect that browsing an infinite feed of promotions and marriages and babies and happy endings has on our emotional states. Speaking personally, I know that I have quite a nice nice life. I have a business I enjoy, passions that excite me every day, a home I adore, friends who love me, a supportive family, a wonderful place to live, and I love myself very much. And yet, despite all of this, 30 minutes of browsing my Facebook feed can at times leave me feeling wholly inadequate – that somehow, I should have much, much more and am nowhere near enough.
Sign #3: Facebook leaves you with an empty and unconnected feeling.
It seems to me that, in theory, Facebook was supposed to make us feel MORE connected with our families, our friends, our community, and the world than we would have felt without it. So why then, do so many of us feel more empty the more we use it? I think the answer might lie in something I’ve noticed over the years: many friends who used to call me on my birthday now opt to post to my Facebook wall instead. And why not? The reality is that when we can see what’s happening in someone’s life from afar, we’re a whole lot less likely to pick up the phone and give them a call to find out how they’re doing. Maybe, just maybe, the less time we spend on Facebook, the more time we’d spend reaching out to the people we care about and getting together with them face-to-face out in the real world.
Where do we go from here?
I’m not going to tell you whether or not you should delete your account, because that’s a personal choice and entirely up to you. The primary message I want to convey to you is this: Facebook is optional and NOT a requirement. There IS a path and life available to you that doesn’t include Facebook, and you just might really, really love it. It might be a life with less anxiety; a life with more free time to focus on the things that truly matter to you; a life in which you can be more fully present when spending time with the people you love. I know for me, it’s been all of that and more.
Looking for more?
If you’re curious about embarking on a less digital life, I highly recommend either of Cal Newport’s books, Digital Minimalism or Deep Work. Or you can check out these other related posts from Janelle (that’s me!) at Ellanyze:
How to Spend Less Time On Your Phone: 5 Ways to Create Space
Janelle, I really enjoyed this post and think you are so spot on. I feel the same way as you describe and don’t think FB is bringing out the best of me. What I am struggling with though is whether I’m also ready to let go of the business account that is attached to my personal account. Did you have this consideration as well? If so, have you found other social sites or apps that are a good replacement?
Teresa, I so appreciate your reply. I was a little nervous publishing this post but did it in hopes that some people would read it who feel similarly. I completely understand your predicament. I had an Ellanyze Facebook business page for a long time. But as I weighed the pros and cons of Facebook on my life overall, I found that any small benefit of that Facebook page for my web design business in no way outweighed the detriment it had on me personally. I looked over all my clients from the past year and found that none of them found me on Facebook. I am currently using LinkedIn primarily to stay in touch with business owners and market my business. A side note: Facebook business pages do not show all of your followers all of your posts all the time, and they do this deliberately to encourage you to spend money on ads for your page, a practice that I disagree with and yet another reason I am glad I left it behind. Happy to talk more 🙂
So many good points! Your viewpoints always impress me as so sensible and it seems like we have some priorities in common. Aside from FB chipping away at my time, it’s very important to me to feel that I am in alignment with the businesses and causes I choose to support, and if I’m honest with myself FB no longer measures up.
I’m going to continue to chew on these ideas and we’ll see where i land. Thanks so much for putting this out there and for your reply Janelle! I’m glad you had the courage to close your account and so happy for your newfound freedom from FB 😊
Teresa, I couldn’t agree more! I think we do have priorities in common. That’s something I’ve also thought a lot about lately i.e. where does my money go, and do I need to purchase this on Amazon or can I find it from an independent person on ETSY, etc. Great to hear from you as always and thank you for being a reader of my blog! 🙂
I have NEVER used FB! Don’t want to get sucked in………Hired a social media gal who actually enjoys doing it………..best of both worlds………..exposure and isolation!
Good for you Kim!
Thanks so much Janelle – a great article. I think about deleting my FB account constantly – not sure why I hang on when I find so much of it so self-serving, self-promoting and ultimately insincere (I must admit, I’ve played that game a bit myself in the past, but just can’t stomach it anymore). Thanks very much for opening my eyes to the possibility of ‘life after Facebook’ which, as Moira Rose said, is ‘an amusement park for clinical narcissists’ . . . .
Thank you for reading Peter! I have never heard that quote before … that is very funny 🙂 Best of luck whatever you decide. I know it’s hard to take the plunge. Another thought – I think you can deactivate an account instead of deleting altogether, so one could also deactivate for a month (you know, to make sure life doesn’t end as we know it!) before perhaps deleting in the future 🙂
Thank you for writing this article! I find myself very much relating to the first point. I have tried to set up a screen time limit, delete the app, and deactivate my FB – only to ignore the time limit, download the app again, and reactivate my Facebook. I’ve been in this cycle over and over. I’m so sentimental and enjoy looking back at old messages and posts and pictures. But I find myself with so much mental clutter! My Facebook is nothing but ads and suggestions for groups I’m not even a part of. I counted 20 posts yesterday – two friends posts and 18 other miscellaneous ads, groups, etc. Ridiculous! I badly want to let go of it but afraid I’ll have FOMO. This article is emboldening me! Hoping I have the strength to actually do it.
I appreciate your comment so much and thank you for reading! I know, it’s tough. Because I’m now trying to get my singer-songwriter project going, I had to rejoin Facebook so I’d have a place to tell people about my shows! But it’s interesting … because I deleted it before for those few years, my habits have completed changed and I find now that I only go on there to make posts about my shows and don’t do very much consuming. It feels a lot more healthy for me now. Best of luck with whatever you decide is best for you 🙂